This is Diary of a Recovering Nobody™️
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This is a story of how someone who felt like a nobody began to realize she even felt that way enough to put words to it and the path she traveled to take her power back and start to believe she was a somebody, simply because she was HER, and that was her magic.
It’s not that anyone specifically said to me, “you are a nobody, you are not important, you are second best” - and that was the confusing part. Why did I feel that way inside?
Why did I feel so overlooked? unchosen? starving to be seen and recognized?
The layers of my story are ones that I’ve been excavating deeply for the last almost 6 years. You see, in 2018 there was a domino effect of traumatic things that made me come to a complete halt and really forced me to look at my life and how I got there. The domino effect: I had moved across the country, 2 months later I broke my leg and had to have surgery which made me couch bound for 3 months, unable to walk, and then another month after that was my 8th dday (discovery day) of discovering my partner’s p*rn addiction and all the ways I’d been lied to.
I finally had to stop and realize that “this was my life too!” But why didn’t I know that already and why wasn’t I living like it? Why didn’t I know that I was a person with an individual life?
What I didn’t know was that underneath all of it was decades of unprocessed trauma and what I didn’t know is that when I decided to begin to look at my life just how much I would find and have to move through.
I know my story is not unique in this way. Many people have moments that bring them to their (what I like to call) ‘divine shitstorm’ that sort of backs them into a corner and it’s like “if you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, you are living in the definition of insanity…so what are you going to do?” And it’s the catalyst that motivated them to actually look at themselves, their past, get into therapy, heal their trauma, etc. etc.
For me it was the betrayal trauma in my marriage that catapulted me into healing the other forms of trauma I didn’t even know I had (I talk a lot about this on my Instagram and TikTok through my work as a coach and somatic trauma practitioner)
But I’ve felt very confined and limited to what I could share. Partially for good reasons (professionalism, my own safety and capacity, protecting my unfolding story, etc.) but partially out of fear (of having to look perfect, having to look like I knew what I was doing, what would people think, feeling so jumbled, etc.) And partially because, something I’ve learned about where my patterns come from, is that I was very disempowered throughout my life. Not being allowed to have wants or needs, not having a safe place to feel my emotions, not being allowed to have my own experience and truth, not being encouraged to form an identity of my own has made for a very blurry, not fully formed sense of self. It’s been difficult to share anything when it all sort of has felt like nothingness.
As I’ve journeyed through my healing process (that’s become a lifestyle) and have become more clear on my experiences and story, the tension has started to form more from not sharing. The realization for me has been that part of my design is that I’m quite literally wired to share and express and guide through my experiences. And not from a place of vanity, but to foster deeper connection and less isolation in the world. Shared stories and experiences are what bonds us, helps us feel less alone. And the role of narrative is a critical aspect in healing from developmental trauma!
It’s taken me a while to get here (trusting my divine timing), and I can’t believe I am about to say this out loud (because eek, what if it comes off self-centered?!) but I think I have unique stories to tell, and unique perspectives to offer, and through my personal experiences comes universal themes that we can all relate to in some way.
That is what this is…Diary of a Recovering Nobody™️ is raw and relatable. Here we will process the journey from feeling insignificant or overlooked to reclaiming one's identity, worth, and voice. I wanted it to capture the essence of transformation, expansion and healing, with a touch of dark humor (because we need humor as we are healing!). It speaks to the idea that even those who feel like "nobodies" have a powerful story to tell.
It’s for those of us who have felt invisible or underestimated but who is now on a path to rediscovering their value, that they can have the things they want in life, and that those things that felt like so far out of reach are truly possible for your life.
My hope is that if you enjoy what you read, if it relates to you in some way, that you’ll consider becoming a paid subscriber. Every subscription does more than you can imagine…so thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.
As a token of my appreciation, paid subscribers will receive exclusive stories, podcast episodes, videos, personal experiences and findings from my heart that I've never shared before.
Thank you for being here and for co-creating this space with me as we help each other make sense of ourselves, our experiences and feel a little less alone.
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
—Mary Oliver