It Always Comes Back to Me
Unlearning their lies, embracing my truth
It always comes back to me
Something I’m not doing, something I’m not saying, something I’m not giving…
Am I an easy target?
A pawn that everyone can move around on their chess board?
A mirror that nobody likes looking at because if they did they would see their own reflection, and that feels too threatening?
It always comes back to me
The trauma I experienced that’s left me broken, unable to operate like “normal people”, unable to offer and receive love like the other girls…
Am I broken?
Too hard to love as I am?
Too much to deal with, therefore they’d rather find something else that’s easier and therefore better?
It always comes back to me
The walls I learned to build to protect myself from harm is the root of why other people aren’t getting what they want from me…
Does anyone know or care why I built these walls?
If they did, would it even matter or change anything?
I’ve tried taking down my walls before because the walls are exhausting to keep holding up, but every time I do my reality starts to crumble inside, it gets lost and swept up in someone else’s storm. So back up the exhausting wall holding goes because it’s the least exhausting of those options.
It always comes back to me
If I just was a little less angry, then they could hear me…
Am I too sensitive?
Do I even have a right to be this angry because other people have it worse than me?
But maybe if I just said it differently, or explained it more thoroughly, or brought out the facts from a non-emotional place, or shared something from an expert on the topic would they care enough to believe me and want to make a change then?
It always comes back to me